Poopers

Post by The Constipation Express.

The Constipation Express: Everything You Need To Be A Pooper

A long time ago there lived a king and queen who had never been able to conceive children. As they approached their golden years, they knew it was time to appoint a prince who would eventually take the king’s place. They knew it had to be somebody who not only could become a great leader, but who was also courageous, wise and compassionate.

After giving the matter much thought, they made the decision that the people themselves would be the ones to choose their next king. And so the decree was made that all the young men related to members of the Royal Court were to prove their worthiness by proposing one great deed they would perform as king to influence the people in their favor.

Now, it just so happened that the only son of the king’s top financial advisor, Cornelius Turd, had fallen madly in love with a poor peasant girl. Embarrassed and disgraced, his parents refused to accept her. And so, upon being wed, the young Turds went to live with the bride’s family.

Seeing the king’s recent decree as an opportunity to elevate his son’s status (as well as his own), Cornelius sent a member of his staff to bring the young man home, demanding he divorce his wife and vie to become prince. When the messenger returned alone, Cornelius decided to go fetch his son himself.

It was a long journey, even by horseback, and upon his arrival Cornelius immediately asked to use the toilet. His son replied, “We are but simple peasants. We do not have such luxuries in our humble abode.” Standing beside her husband, the young woman (who was now with child) sheepishly added, “If I were queen I would ask my husband to have a toilet installed in every home throughout the entire kingdom.”

Rolling his eyes, her father-in-law retorted sarcastically, “Why of course. All the seats could be plush thrones adorned in gold, with porcelain bowls beneath them!” It was then that Cornelius’ son turned to him and stated, “In the highest regard for my beloved wife and growing family, I will return with you to the royal court and present her initiative as my great deed.”

As it turns out, giving the people what they want has always been good politics. And THAT is how the bathroom “throne” became a legacy, and why a “turd” is a turd!

Legend Of The Royal Turds: A Kings' Legacy